


Until you are mine

by Philomena85



Category: Alex Verus Series - Benedict Jacka
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Jealousy, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Unrequited Love, happy endings are overrated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-10-13 13:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20583239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philomena85/pseuds/Philomena85
Summary: Since Morden found out that Anne doesn't seem to reciprocate Alex's feelings for her, his behaviour towards him has changed. Dependent on the Councillor's benevolence, he doesn't know how to react...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Weltatlas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weltatlas/gifts).

> To Weltatlas, for inspiring me with your wonderful story. I hope this one doesn't disappoint!

MONDAY

Anne and I were sitting in a quiet place near Regent's Canal, only a few minutes' walk from my former home, enjoying the last few sunbeams after a long hard day at the War Rooms. Looking at her, I thought yet again how beautiful she was, touching her lower lip with the tip of her forefinger, removing a small dab of mayonnaise left from her sandwich.

'You alright?'

'Hm? - Yeah, I'm fine.'

I focussed on her as if waking from a dream, realising that her brows were raised in displeasure.

'Are you even listening to me?'

'Of course I am. Anne, I...'

All the time I had been waiting, wondering if what I felt was wrong. Now, being alone with her for the first time in months, would be the perfect time to say out loud what had been on my mind for so long, but I still didn't dare to do so, too scared of how she might react to my confession. Sure, I could have path-walked to figure it out, but...never mind. I bent over to kiss her on the cheek.

Lost in the delicate scent of her perfume and the softness of her skin, I nearly fell over when she pushed me away brusquely, staring at me as if in shock.

'How dare you!'

She jumped to her feet, grabbed her bag and hurried away.

'Anne!'

I caught up with her, trying to get hold of her arm, but her glare made me stop in mid-stride.

'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to...'

'What were you thinking? Is there anything I said or did that made you think I'd reciprocate your feelings?'

'No, I...'

'So why did you kiss me?'

_Because I love you_ would have been the obvious answer, but right now, looking at her angry face, I couldn't speak; it felt like my throat was on fire.

'I really thought we were friends, but you keep ruining everything.'

Infuriated, she walked away without a second look at me. Hiding my face in my hands, I sank down at the quay wall. That couldn't have gone any worse.

*

TUESDAY

The next morning, I had massive problems to get out of bed. I had spent the night in a hotel room instead of the Hollow since I was pretty sure Anne wouldn't want to see me again so soon but I hadn't slept at all. When I entered Morden's office, he was already waiting for me, sitting at his desk, browsing through a file.

'You're late.'

'My apologies.'

He looked up at me, frowning.

'Don't you want to explain yourself?'

'I'd rather not.'

'This isn't a mere request. You are expected to show up in time. If you don't, you are obligated to state a reason for your non-compliance.'

I shuffled my feet, not willing to tell him about what happened the day before and tried to evade giving a precise answer.

'I overslept.'

'You never do. What is the reason you did today?'

'I had a dispute with a...friend.'

'Are you talking about Miss Walker?'

'How...?'

'It's quite obvious given the fact that Miss Walker called in sick today – which seems like a rather poor excuse given the fact that she's part of the Healer Corps.'

I sighed, avoiding his gaze and turning away so he wouldn't see my face turn red.

'I'll leave for the anteroom if there isn't anything else?'

'Well, actually, there is. I need your help with this one.'

He held up the file he was reading without looking at me, taking down notes with the other hand.

'My help?'

'Yes, Verus – in fact, this is your job as my aide, remember?'

'Of course I do.'

How could I forget? He had made himself quite clear concerning this part in the past.

'Sit down, Verus,' he ordered, pointing at a chair right beside him.

Hesitantly, I obeyed. He told me what to do and continued studying his notes without paying attention to me, but being so close to him I could smell his after shave made me feel uneasy. Glancing at him, I cleared my throat and tried to shift away a few inches. All of a sudden, he raised his head.

'Stop making such a fuss, will you? Your unfortunate choice of a potential partner is not my fault. Although we both know that you could do better than dating someone like Miss Walker.'

'That's none of your fucking business!'

'Guard your tongue, Verus - in case you want to keep it.'

I fell silent and started to concentrate on my work again. We didn't resume our talk until he dismissed me in the afternoon.

*

WEDNESDAY

The next day began just as the last one, apart from the fact that I managed to show up on time. Again, Morden told me to stay in his office with him, doing paperwork. I wondered if there weren't any Council meetings taking place right now, since this was what normally happened in the morning, but I didn't dare asking. At around 11am he told me to get tea and biscuits; glad to be able to get away from him, I left the room, although serving him his tea really wasn't supposed to be one of my duties. Re-entering his office, he told me to place the silver tray on his desk. I was about to sit down again when he told me to stand still. He got up and walked around me, eyeing me critically.

'Do you think your clothing is appropriate for this job?'

I looked down at my dark blue jeans, the plain light blue shirt and my trainers.

'What's wrong with it?'

'Being my aide, you are representing a member of the Junior Council. As from tomorrow, I expect you to dress appropriately.'

'I'm on Keepers' duty tomorrow afternoon. You don't expect me to wear a suit during an investigation, do you?'

'You may change clothes once we're finished. Now sit down, we've got plenty of work to do.'

I would have to do some shopping after work, since the only _appropriate_ clothes I owned were a black suit – the only one I had – and my ceremonial robes. I couldn't think of any reason why Morden brought up the subject now, since I had been dressing like this since I started working for him. 

*

THURSDAY

'Way better,' Morden commented when I entered his office, spreading my arms excessively so he could examine my appearance; I had chosen a white shirt under a dark grey cardigan, corresponding black trousers and wickedly expensive Italian shoes which already made my feet hurt. I felt like the mannequin at the men's outfitter I sought out yesterday, but Morden seemed to be quite pleased.

'Let's go,' he said, resting one hand on my lower back as he shoved me towards the door. I was confused; he had never tried to get close to me like this before, in fact, I had always considered him to be repelled by the mere thought of touching other people. Though I appreciated the feeling of respect his behaviour gave to me, I sighed with relief when we reached the anteroom and he proceeded to the Star Chamber. The other aides must have noticed our supposed intimacy and started to smirk and whisper as soon as Morden had left. I tried to blank out their chuckles and focus on my interlocutors but with every passing minute I felt even more uncomfortable. When Morden finally arrived, I sprang to my feet and followed him; behind my back, someone laughed spitefully and I felt my face burn with embarrassment.

'Why did you do that?' I asked him once we were back at his office and free to talk behind closed doors.

'I'm sorry?'

'They're gossiping about me.'

'Oh, and it's only now you realised it? They've been talking behind your back since you became my aide.'

'That's not what I mean. They saw us when we left the office this morning. When you...well...'

He looked at me, confused, but kept quiet. How could he not have noticed...? I cleared my throat.

'They saw you touching me.'

'So?'

'So? They assume we...well...'

For the second time since Morden had left the Star Chamber I blushed, while his face stayed calm and indifferent. I took a quick glance at my watch and jumped up, heading for the door.

'Sorry,' I mumbled, 'Keepers' duties...'


	2. Chapter 2

FRIDAY

I returned to work with mixed feelings. As far as the Keepers were concerned, word hadn't spread yet that Morden got in touch with me – literally. But since I had to spend the rest of the week with the other aides, this circumstance was of little help. Leaving Westminster Station, I was still lost in thought and didn't pay attention to my surroundings until I ran into the last person I wanted to meet considering my current state of mind – Anne. She looked at me for a split second, then turned away immediately and pushed past me without giving me a second glance.

'Anne!'

I got hold of her arm and made her turn around again, eyeing me furiously.

'Let me go!' she hissed, 'I don't want to talk to you right now!'

'You won't talk to me anytime later, will you?'

'Alex, you really screwed up, just leave me alone, okay?'

'No, it's not okay! You can't ignore me for the rest of my life because I made a stupid mistake, we have to cooperate if we want to get rid of Richard and Morden!'

Anne snorted angrily.

'You didn't seem like you were trying to get rid of Morden yesterday. Is this your new strategy or were you trying to annoy anyone else by running around with his arm around your waist, dressing up for him?'

'He didn't put his arm around my waist, he just – never mind.'

'Yeah, alright. Goodbye, Alex.'

*

I entered Morden's office being in poor spirits. He didn't look up when he greeted me, but he seemed to know exactly what was going on.

'That girl again?'

'Don't wanna talk about it.'

'Well, I'm not going to tolerate this behaviour of yours any longer since it's starting to affect your work.'

I stared at him in surprise.

'Why should it affect my work? If I did something wrong you'd have told me by now.'

'What about the report I told you to write and hand over to Alma's aide?'

I broke out in a cold sweat when I suddenly remembered the report Morden had told me to finish two days ago; with Anne's rejection and the jeering aides on my mind, I had completely forgotten about it. Since it was due this morning, there was nothing I could do any more.

'Damn, I forgot, I really didn't mean to...I'm sorry.'

I shot him an anxious look, but he merely opened the top drawer of his desk and took a file from it, holding it up and handing it over to me. Recognising the report, I sighed with relief.

'One more mistake like this and I'll make sure you never forget anything you're ordered to do ever again. Is that understood?'

'Yes, Councillor Morden.'

'I'd prefer you to fulfil your tasks voluntarily, but I will enforce discipline if needed. You are dismissed for now.'

*

We met again after the Council meeting. This time, instead of making me sit down at his desk, he escorted me to a couple of armchairs placed in a corner beneath the window. While I sat down, he removed an expensive looking bottle from one of the cabinets and poured the dark amber liquid into two crystal glasses, passing one of them over to me while he kept the other in his hand.

'I don't drink,' I mumbled.

'You will drink now.'

I quickly checked the futures to be sure he wasn't poisoning me, before I took the glass. What I said was true; I almost never drank alcohol since I knew how it affected my body. I had been drinking way to much when I returned to London about ten years ago, trying to fight the feeling of loneliness and the fear that had become a fundamental part of my life. Starting with the occasional beer at the pub, I soon resorted to Scotch and other spirits to numb the pain of being all alone and on the run. Only when I nearly got hit by a car because my vision had become too clouded to even use the simplest of my divination skills, I realised that I had to stop. I never touched a drink ever since.

Morden looked at me expectantly and I took a tiny sip from my glass. I've never tasted something like this before and had to admit that I liked it, although I couldn't even name the ingredients. A sudden warmth flooded my body and made me relax a little. I leaned back in my chair and stared at him.

'Why are you doing this?'

'I think you might be of some use for me in the long term – provided you concentrate on your duties, which isn't the case right now.'

He held up his hand, keeping me from interrupting him.

'Listen, Verus – I know you always object when being referred to like that, but I think you already _are_ a Dark mage except for the title. You've learned to adapt to our kind of living and you could become incredibly powerful by finally accepting your true self.'

'There's nothing to accept. I'm an Independent. If I could revoke my decision to become Richard's apprentice, there's nothing I'd rather do, but since I can't, I'll have to deal with the consequences.'

'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, as the saying is.'

I gazed at him in disgust.

'I was a child, I didn't need to be strong – I needed to be safe!'

'You _were_ safe once you became Richard's apprentice – he protected you and gave you everything your parents couldn't.'

I snorted.

'Yeah, I felt quite safe being locked up in a cell and given the special treatment Richard inflicted on me.'

'According to what I heard it was your own fault you ended up there.'

I took another sip of my drink to force back the memories.

'I did the right thing – and I'd do it again if I were to decide once more.'

'You didn't even know that girl back then.'

'It doesn't matter. She had nothing to do with our world. I would never let someone like Richard kill an innocent girl.'

'Even if you knew what would happen to you once you got caught?'

I swallowed. If I had known that Richard would catch me, if I had been able to foresee everything he did to me after I had tried – and failed – to rescue Catherine, would I have tried anyway?

'Yes. Even then.'

'You would have sacrificed your own life for someone you didn't even know?'

I nodded gingerly.

'That's the difference between us, isn't it?'

'Yes,' Morden admitted, 'I didn't realise you were that weak.'

'Don't mistake kindness for weakness.'

He smirked.

'I guess that's the reason why you fell for Miss Walker. After all those years, you are still the knight in shining armour, trying to save the damsel in distress.'

I gritted my teeth, staring at him furiously. When he started to laugh, I nearly lunged out to hit him, but in the nick of time I remembered that this behaviour could easily result in Anne and myself being executed. So instead of doing something I might regret rather sooner than later, I emptied my glass in a single gulp, feeling the soft liquid soothing my senses.

'Have you ever considered that she might not be looking for someone who has to deal with the same problems she has? You're alike, you and Miss Walker – you were both apprenticed to Dark mages but couldn't adapt to their way of living and because of that, you failed and ran away. Now, do you really think she wants to spend her life with someone who constantly reminds her of her past?'

His remarks left me speechless. He was making this up to drive a wedge between Anne and me, wasn't he? Well – no. His assertions hurt, but I couldn't help thinking that he might be right. I had always felt a certain connection to her due to the fact that we both still suffered from our experiences with our former masters; she was the only person who never asked me to talk about it – simply because she already knew what it was like. In her presence I felt secure and I wanted her to feel the same way when I was around. When she stated that she didn't want me to come close to her any more, my whole life fell apart. I had been hoping that she'd love me back; since she was gone, I could feel the fear and loneliness creeping up inside of me once again. I had spent most of the last few years with her and now she was gone. It was like having a nightmare once again, but this time I couldn't wake up. Reflexively I reached for my glass and found it empty. Without asking, Morden took it, reached for the bottle and poured me another drink. Our fingers touched for a mere second when he passed it over to me, making me shiver involuntarily.

'Forget her,' he whispered, observing me with his watchful eyes, 'You deserve better.'


	3. Chapter 3

SATURDAY

I arrived at the office in the late morning, just returning from a raid with the Keepers. I was still wearing jeans and a plain shirt since I hadn't managed to change without risking to miss my appointment with Morden. When I entered the room, he immediately examined me thoroughly with raised eyebrows.

'Did you forget what I told you about dressing appropriately?'

'No, of course I didn't, I just didn't have time to-'

He didn't let me finish my sentence but stepped over to me, grabbed my shirt and ripped it in half. Completely frightened I stared at him, holding onto the remains of my clothes; I had been too distracted to see this coming.

'Get dressed,' he ordered, returned to his desk, sat down and watched me standing bare-chested in front of him. Lips pressed together tightly I stared at him, unmoving.

'Today?' he asked.

'You really want me to go to the Keeper Headquarters with a torn shirt?'

'If that's were you keep your belongings – yes.'

I felt my face burning with embarrassment as I left the room. Maybe I should've been grateful that I indeed had stored another set of clothes in my office, but getting there would be running the gauntlet since everyone would set out for lunch in the next few minutes. I considered going back into Morden's office for a brief second, checking the future in which I did so – _okay, I definitely wouldn't do that. _Whatever I might have said or done, it would have ended in violence. So I sighed and made my way to the Keeper Headquarters.

My precognition warned me only seconds later, but there wasn't a chance to get away; I ran into Lyle as soon as I passed Undaaris's office. He came to an abrupt halt, stared at me as I tried to cover myself up – and started to roar with laughter.

'So it's true what they say! Oh my God, Alex, you are so pathetic, making everyone believe Morden forced you to work for him and now you walk out of his office like _this_! I should go bright red with shame if I were you!'

'Shut up, Lyle.'

'Oh, having a big mouth again? Well, let's see what the other aides think of this...'

He fetched his phone from his pocket and started dialling with a smirk. Jostling against him, I walked away, preparing myself for further unpleasant encounters. Right behind me, I heard Lyle shouting something and turned around once again, not sure if I had understood him correctly. He had stopped laughing and stared at me in utter disgust.

'Not a Dark mage, eh? Then why are you getting off with one of them?'

His nose made a nasty noise as I thrust my fist into his face.

*

I returned to Morden's office half an hour later, looking at the councillor with pursed lips; I couldn't manage talking to him right now, still furious with him because of the humiliation I just had to endure. He only nodded approvingly and gestured for me to come over and sit down in front of his desk. A pile of sheets was pushed over towards me.

'Written draft of our proposal until Tuesday 10am, please. I had someone provide you with a separate desk so you can work without interference.'

He pointed to the corner on his right where a smaller desk had been placed in front of the window so I could have a look outside while working. Still, I wasn't keen on staying at his office.

'Thank you, but I could've used the one at the Keeper Headquarters.'

'You are certainly aware that these documents are confidential. I don't want them lying around where everyone can see them.'

'Okay, just sayin'.'

As I started walking over to my new work place, he addressed me once again.

'Where did you get that scar?'

'What scar?'

'The one right above your heart.'

Had he really been looking _that_ closely?

'I don't want to talk about it.'

'Why not? Did Richard do this?'

He interpreted my silence as affirmation and looked at me with thoughtful eyes.

'You must have done something that really upset him, otherwise he would never have punished you in a way that left visible scars. He doesn't like his property getting damaged.'

I huffed.

'So this is how he thinks of me? As his property?'

'Things have changed by now since you're not an apprentice any more. But you don't seem to appreciate the fact that he treated you better than other masters would treat their apprentices - someone else would have probably killed you without thinking twice if you betrayed them the way you betrayed Richard. You should be grateful he spared your life and only did what was necessary to discipline you.'

I clenched my fists, but I didn't want to discuss this topic with Morden. Eventually, he changed the subject and got back to business.

'Well, sit down now, since you've already been late.'

'Not my fault, is it?'

He waved his hand in my direction, looking bored. I immediately felt a shooting pain in my throat, my mage sight revealing the death magic he had directed at me. With rising nausea I fell to my knees and clasped my throat with both hands, choking and coughing, trying to breathe properly. After a while the pain faded and I tried to shout at Morden but found out I couldn't. He kept a straight face as if nothing had happened.

'As you might have noticed, your vocal chords are paralysed and will stay like that for some time. I already told you to guard your tongue, Verus. If you ever dare to talk back again – just once – I'll make your current state a permanent one. Maybe this will finally teach you some manners.'

Still breathing heavily, I checked the futures to find out how long this condition would last; I gasped when I saw that I wouldn't be able to speak for at least a day. Morden knew exactly that I was off Keepers duty tomorrow and that I had planned to visit Anne, trying to apologise for my former behaviour; with my voice gone, this plan was ruined, especially since it would be her only day off this week, too. I felt so frustrated that I had to fight back tears of rage as I sat down at my desk, staring blankly at the screen in front of me. I just wanted to get out of this room, run away and hide somewhere safe, but since he'd been talking about killing people for minor reasons only a few minutes ago, I didn't even dare to move.

Still touching my throat reflexively now and then, I took the papers he gave to me and started reading, taking down notes. Occasionally, I did some path-walking to find out how Morden would react if I got up to fetch myself some tea or go to the bathroom; his reactions remained the same every time – he looked up at me for a brief moment to check if I would be coming back and when this was confirmed, he just continued working. Still, he seemed to watch me, maybe because he thought I wouldn't notice. Well, of course I did. Sitting at our desks, we were looking in opposite directions, but he kept turning his head to me, eyeing me silently, a pleased expression on his face.

At around 8pm I tried to figure out what he'd do if I put on my coat and headed home – he only nodded and said goodbye. Five minutes later I had left the War Rooms.


	4. Chapter 4

SUNDAY

I woke up to the sound of an incoming call and started to fumble around on the bedside table to get hold of my phone, still half asleep. I saw that it was Luna and rejected the call, starting to write a text immediately afterwards.

_'Sorry Luna, can't talk right now.'_

_'You busy?'_

_'No. I literally can't talk because my vocal chords are paralysed.'_

_'WTF?!'_

_'Morden did this to me.'_

_'Coming. Where exactly are you?'_

_'I'll be heading off to the café in Islington where you used to meet Chalice, should be there in about an hour – by the way, I might need some help ordering breakfast.'_

_'Okay, see you there.'_

When I arrived, Luna was already sitting at one of the tables outside, her iPad placed in front of her. As I sat down, she shoved it over to me so I could communicate via text.

_'Thank you,' _ I wrote.

'You're welcome. So – you wanna tell me what happened?'

She looked at me and got up before I could type my answer.

'No, I'll get you something to eat first. You okay with scrambled eggs?'

_'Fine, thanks.'_

'Tea? Coffee? Non-fat caramel-flavoured latte?'

_'That tea Chalice ordered when we met was nice.'_

'Back in a minute.'

She returned with two cups of tea and sat down again.

'Okay. Now tell me.'

I started typing, giving her a recap of the last week's events, skipping the part concerning Anne. When I had finished, she looked at me in disbelief.

'Let me get this straight – he tore up your clothes because you dressed too casual and he paralysed your vocal chords because you talked back? He's insane! Let's get you to Anne, I'm sure she will be able to help you.'

Averting her eyes, I shook my head.

'Why not?'

Slowly, I started typing again, this time telling her the rest of the story. After she finished reading, Luna sighed.

'So this is why you didn't show up in the Hollow – you didn't want to run into Anne.'

_'Exactly.'_

'You two need to resolve your problems.'

_'That's what I wanted to do today, but now Morden ensured that I can't.'_

'Sounds like he's doing this on purpose.'

_'What do you mean?'_

'Um, well...he makes you dress up for him, he touches you in public, he makes people think that you're...you know...more than just his aide...and now he restrains you from sorting things out with Anne. Don't you think that's strange? I mean, why on earth would he be interested in your relationships anyway? Did he say something else? Or did he touch you again when you were alone with him?'

_'No, he just seemed to look at me all the time after silencing me...and he said I deserved better than her.'_

'Sounds like he wants to have you all to himself.'

_'But Anne is working for him, too.'_

Luna eyed me compassionately.

'That's not what I meant...'

I stared at her, uncomprehendingly.

'Maybe Morden is...you know...attracted to you? Not saying that _I_ think you're attractive, though...but you're smart, you're quite handsome and you look gorgeous in a three-piece suit...damn, I should stop talking as well...'

I couldn't help but smile.

_'Thank you, I think...? But I really don't like the idea of Morden being interested in me that way.'_

'Why not? Might help you in the long run.'

_'Don't think so. He's still threatening me and since yesterday I know that he's absolutely serious about that. I don't know how to comport myself when I go back to work tomorrow...I'm completely at his mercy, he could just make up rules I didn't adapt to and punish me again. And if what you say is true, it'll get even worse.'_

'How could it get any worse?'

_'He's a Dark mage. If there's something he wants, he'll just take it.'_

Luna seemed to realise what I meant and utter terror showed on her face.

'We have to get you out of there.'

_'If I leave, he'll kill everyone I care about.'_

She pondered for a while, then she looked at me, choosing her next words very carefully.

'What if you pretend to be attracted to him, too?'

_'I can't.'_

'Why not? I never said you should let him have a shag with you on your desk right away.'

_'Luna!'_

'Sorry. Vari thinks you're ace, anyway.'

_'Yeah, maybe because I actually am.'_

'Oh my God, really? He'd love to hear that!'

She started to laugh, but got serious again very quick.

'I'm sorry. But I still think you should give it a try.'

_'If he ever finds out I deceived him, he'll kill me right away. That's if I'm lucky.'_

'But you can't let him torment you any longer, either.'

_'Maybe he'll leave me alone if I just submit to his will.'_

We stayed silent for a while, lost in thought, picking at our food. After a while, Luna looked up at me.

'So you don't even wanna try...? You could check the futures to see how he'll react, if it doesn't work, you could still think of something else.'

_'Worth a try, though I'm still afraid something might go terribly wrong – he's always been someone to act on his threats and I'm not keen on experiencing that again.'_

'Is there anything you can do to brace yourself for things to come?'

I shrugged, forcing a smile.

_'Learning sign language?'_


	5. Chapter 5

MONDAY

I hardly slept that night, my thoughts revolving around the next day and my encounter with Morden. At least I was able to speak again, although my voice still sounded a bit hoarse. Browsing through my wardrobe, I carefully decided what to wear – Luna had said something about me looking good in a three-piece suit, so this would be my choice for the day. Fumbling around with my tie in front of the mirror I realised my hands were shaking. I tried to convince myself that there was nothing to be afraid of if I just did what he told me. Unless Luna was right about him being attracted to me. If this was true, I'd be in serious trouble since rejecting him wouldn't be an option – what I told her about him just taking what he wanted was alarmingly adequate and I really didn't want to figure out how far he'd go. Staring at my reflection one last time, I inhaled deeply and left for the War Rooms.

'Good morning, Councillor,' I greeted him when I entered his office. He looked up from his paperwork.

'Good morning, Verus.'

I walked over to my desk silently, sat down and started typing the report that was due tomorrow. Once again I saw him glancing in my direction from time to time, but he didn't address me while I was working. When he got up for his meeting, I was already standing in front of his desk.

'Are there any other tasks you want me to fulfil while you're attending Council Session?'

He looked at me in surprise.

'Just the usual negotiations. Our main focus right now is the proposal you're writing down.'

He gestured towards the door and started walking behind me as I made my way to the antechamber. I took my place and maintained a low profile throughout the morning although I could hear the other aides talk about me all the time; they didn't even care about whispering any more. Or maybe they did it on purpose to make sure I caught every single word they said. Whenever one of them approached me, they did it with at least a smirk on their lips, equivocating and hinting that they knew about Morden and me. I tried to stay calm and ignore their comments, only answering questions related to my work but I was almost relieved when the door to the Star Chamber opened and Morden came out, making a gesture in my direction to follow him.

Back in his office, I remained standing in front of his desk, filling him in on what happened while he had been in his meeting. While giving him my report, I searched the futures for any kind of danger evolving during the course of our conversation – there wasn't any. As long as I stayed calm and polite, nothing would happen to me. I let out a hushed sigh of relief.

'Thank you, Verus,' he said, smiling slightly, sizing me up. 'Seems you've learned your lesson?'

I quickly checked what he'd do if a gave him an honest answer and immediately decided against it.

'Yes, Councillor,' I answered, already despising myself for sounding so obedient although I knew that this would be the only thing protecting me from getting punished again. Just like it used to be when I was Richard's apprentice. Guess some things never change. I stood still, awaiting further orders, but Morden just told me to get back to my desk. I continued working in silence, not looking up even once. Instead, I was path-walking, trying out everything that came to my mind. Since I didn't have the intention to remain silent in his presence for the rest of my life (or however long he was going to force me to work for him), I tried starting an argument with him, challenging him over his opinion on the proposal I had to write. His response was quick – he waved his hand the way he did two days ago, hit me with his death magic, the sheer force of his attack sending me to the ground and from the immense pain I felt within my throat I knew that I would never be able to speak again. I swallowed hard and stood back from the idea of provoking him.

I moved on to try something else. What happened if I did the exact opposite, acting just the way he wanted me to? - No. I _could _do this so I wouldn't get harmed, but on the inside, I was screaming. This was completely contrary to my character and I already knew that I wouldn't be able to behave like this for a longer period of time without going crazy. Even Richard hadn't succeeded in making me obey him without objection, so there was no way Morden would.

There was one thing left to try. What would happen if I responded to his advances? I needed to make up a situation where he would possibly try to touch me again, although I didn't like thinking about situations like that. I came up with a future in which I left the room to get him some tea, putting the tray down on his desk and slightly brushing his fingers while handing the teacup over to him. He looked up at me with a strange expression on his face, the corner of his mouth twitching as in a failed attempt to smile. I tried to go further. If I gave him the opportunity to get close to me, would he take it? _He would. _I sighed, inhaled deeply the way I'd done in front of the mirror this morning and got up, walked over to him and asked him if he'd like to have a cup of tea. He answered in the affirmative and nodded approvingly. As I headed for the door I could almost feel him staring at me.

When I came back, everything went the way I had predicted it; I handed his teacup to him, touched his hand, he looked up at me with what might have been a smile and seemed very pleased. I returned to my desk and picked up my work again. Half an hour later I cleared my throat to get his attention, watching him with pleading eyes.

'I'm sorry to disturb you, Councillor Morden, but I might need some help...'

'Alright.'

He got up and walked over to me, smoothing his jacket down on the way. I turned around to face him and pointed at a paragraph on one of the sheets on my desk so he had to bend down over me, his chest close to my back.

'What's the problem?'

'I don't understand what this means or why it is necessary to-'

'You don't need to know. Just write it down, I'll take care of these things once the Council discusses this matter.'

'I'm sorry, I just thought I should know in case I might need to discuss it with the other aides...'

Morden sighed and took the sheets from me, scanning the text.

'Okay, fair enough...'

He sat down at the edge of my desk and started his lecture, while I looked up at him the way an eager student would. When he was done, he handed the papers back to me and asked me if there were any questions left. I shook my head but proceeded to look at him admiringly.

'Thank you, Councillor,' I whispered, brushing his leg slightly as if by accident as I reached for the documents and cast down my eyes shyly. He eyed me suspiciously and I quickly checked the futures to make sure he hadn't figured out what I was up to. I was lucky. Still, he didn't return to his own desk but kept on watching me.

'That waistcoat looks good on you,' he stated, pointing at the black piece of silk.

'Thank you.'

'Suits your body type.'

I didn't need to act any longer since my face started to blush already.

'Why did you refuse to dress like this for so long? There's no need to hide that handsome body of yours.'

'I don't think that anybody would consider it handsome...,' I mumbled, avoiding his gaze, knowing exactly how he'd react to this confession.

'Think again.'

Morden reached for my hair and put a loose strand back behind my ear. Leaning slightly into his touch I closed my eyes. For a little while his hand rested on the back of my head before he withdrew his arm and got up.

'Back to work, Verus, the proposal is due tomorrow and I don't want to do it myself again this time.'

'Yes, Sir.'

Luna was right. And I couldn't find the words to describe how much this knowledge scared me.


	6. Chapter 6

When I was just heading home that evening, passing the entrance of Keeper Headquarters, someone grabbed my arm and dragged me into an empty office. I just stood there waiting when the door slammed shut behind me and the other man.

'Hello, Vari.'

'Damn, Alex! What do you think you're doing?'

I sighed.

'Guess Luna told you already.'

'Hell yeah, we're your friends, what do you think she'd do? Playing games with a bloody Dark mage, are you out of your mind?'

'Calm down, I know what I'm doing.'

He snorted scornfully.

'Yeah, of course. Since your stupid ideas never got you into trouble before.'

'You might want to consider the fact that it wasn't initially my idea but Luna's. Besides, you don't even know what I did and why I did it.'

'Oh, I know exactly what you did. In case you haven't noticed yet – everybody's talking about you and Morden nowadays.'

'You do? Well, that's great, I'd love to participate in all that gossip. Would you mind filling me in on the details?'

He uttered an annoyed grunt.

'You already know what they say, so why would you want me to repeat it?'

'I'm curious since all those people tend to exclude me from their conversations and prefer talking behind my back. Come on, Vari – let's hear what they have to say!'

Instead of answering he avoided my gaze, maybe because he already knew I'd find out anyway. And so I did. Concentrating on the questions I would have asked him if we had continued our conversation, I found out that word had spread in Keeper HQ as well, but what they were assuming seemed to be worse than what I've heard before. When I finally saw what it was he didn't want to say out loud I looked at him, open-mouthed, finally understanding why he kept staring at the floor.

'Okay, so they assume I'm having sex with Morden to get promoted? Alright then, I knew they were stupid, so this isn't much of a surprise. But I'm glad you don't believe them.'

'Course not. Luna told me why you're doing this, that he's threatening you and you're only trying to stay safe somehow...'

'Wait – when you say _why you're doing this_, what exactly do you think I'm doing?'

'Alex, I...' He threw his hands in the air in some sort of helpless gesture.

'I mean...you _are_ letting him have his way with you, don't you?'

'Surely not! Damn, Vari - stop acting as though I was, dunno... some kind of prostitute!'

'Never said you were! Hey, I'm sorry, okay? Don't get this wrong, I just think you should be careful. If he finds out you're just playing games with him...'

'Yeah, I know.'

'And Alex – stay in touch with us, will you? If there's anything Luna and I can do for you...'

'Thanks, Vari. I appreciate that.'

'Need to go, mate. Buck up!'

He patted me on the shoulder and walked away while I still thought about his last words – he didn't mention Anne. I felt sick when a thought crossed my mind – what if she'd heard the rumours about me and Morden too? Would she believe them? Or would she still stick with me? I wanted to talk to her so badly, but I didn't know if she'd even listen. Since my divination failed on that score, I assumed that she was still indecisive if she should do it. I sighed and set out for another lonesome night in a gloomy hotel room.

TUESDAY

Morden had been deeply contended with the proposal I had written for him. When he left the Star Chamber, he was smiling at me, nodding approvingly. Once again we sat down in the armchairs below the window, having a drink.

'Well done, Verus,' he smiled, raising his glass to me. 'Cheers!'

I copied his gesture and took a sip, a warm and comforting feeling flooding my body.

If it wasn't for Morden, I would have enjoyed this moment, but right now, I couldn't relax, there were too many things floating around in my head. And I wanted to get them straight. Setting down my glass, I cleared my throat.

'May I ask you something?'

'Go ahead.'

'When you said you'd make sure I'd never talk back again...You weren't serious about taking my ability to speak away permanently, were you?'

'Of course I was.'

'How should I have worked for you if I wasn't able to discuss your matters with the other aides?'

'Oh, you wouldn't have worked for me any longer, there's really no use in having an aide who can't conduct negotiations for me. And since I don't require an office assistant, I would have discharged you immediately after this.'

I felt my face turn pale.

'You...you would have destroyed my life just to make an example of me and cast me out right away?'

'I already told you that I'm not going to tolerate disobedience. Some people have to learn this the hard way, though I really hope you won't be one of them since I've really grown to like the sound of your voice – would be a pity if I had to erase it.'

I wanted to respond to this, but I bid my tongue.

'That won't be necessary,' I mumbled instead, dropping my gaze. 'I will not object to you ever again.'

Morden leaned back, observing me thoughtfully.

'What's the matter with you, Verus?'

'I'm sorry, but I don't think I understand...'

'I've known you for some time now. You're not submitting to anybody's will just like that – I can't escape the feeling that you're hiding something from me.'

I broke a sweat, hastily scanning through the futures to find the right words to say.

'Am I allowed to speak boldly?'

'You are.'

'As you might have figured out already, I wanted to talk to A...- Miss Walker on Sunday, which didn't work out for reasons known. I was fed up since I couldn't talk to anyone that day, but instead I had plenty of time to think about some things – especially the fact that I didn't want to experience this feeling of utter helplessness ever again. That's when I realised that it might be better to shut my mouth voluntarily instead of running the risk of being silenced forcibly.'

'Good call. Anything else? It's hard to believe that you've changed your whole behaviour only because you had to stay silent for a single day.'

I felt confident enough to bring this conversation to an end without getting busted since my divination showed me what to say, but it was still hard to play a role that didn't match my character at all; someone should nominate me for a BAFTA award. Almost inaudible, I answered his question, looking down at my hands.

'You know what Richard did to me?'

'Yes.'

'And you also know that I still have nightmares because of that?'

'I assumed it.'

'Nevertheless, he never did anything that affected me permanently – well, at least not physically, apart from that scar on my chest. As I see it now, most of these things weren't done to me as some sort of punishment but just for, well...everyone's entertainment. Therefore, I knew all the time that there was nothing I could have done to stop it.'

I hesitated.

'With you, it's different. You made it clear that there were certain things I was supposed to do and others I should refrain from and I knew that there would be consequences if I failed to obey you.'

'Still you _did _fail.'

I nodded.

'I must admit that I tried to find out how far I could go. To see if you'd really discipline me if I broke the rules. But when you took my voice, telling me that you'd make this permanent...'

I turned away and forced a tear down my cheek.

_And the BAFTA goes to..._

'You see, I've come to like my new position as your aide, I'm enjoying my work.'

'I'm pleased to hear that, but what's the point?'

'I'm afraid to fail again, even without meaning to. I'm trying my best, but I feel like it's never enough. You reprimanded me because I forgot about that report last week – I didn't do it on purpose, but you still implied I would be punished if I forgot something again. I'm living in constant fear of being crippled because I made a mistake. It's like being with Richard again...'

Thinking about the torments I had suffered back then it wasn't particularly hard to continue weeping.

'There's nothing to be afraid of, Alex.'

He had never called me Alex before and I definitely didn't like it since it was the name my best friends used when they talked to me. The name Anne had used when she had addressed me...Thinking of her only added to the feeling of despair that had started to build up inside of me. Suddenly Morden bent over and touched my face, wiping away my tears with his thumb.

'Don't cry,' he added softly, running his fingers through my hair while he continued to caress my cheek.

'I don't know if I can handle this any longer,' I sniffed, 'Just...stop it, will you?'

Morden leaned back again, folding his arms.

'No.'

I stared at him, checking the futures once again to make sure I hadn't offended him, but he seemed to be as relaxed as he had been before.

'But-'

He held up his hand and I fell silent immediately.

'You have to be aware of the fact that Council politics is almost entirely about power and reputation. One mistake can ruin everything and therefore I need to rely on the people who work for me. I _do _rely on you, but you keep getting distracted too easily, so I have to remind you of your responsibilities time and time again. Unfortunately, in your case punishment is inevitable to ensure your loyalty and make you submit to the rules, but you may rest assured that I don't take pleasure in torturing you the way Richard might have done. As long as you do as you're told there's nothing to fear.'

'I'll do anything you want if only you'll abstain from inflicting irreversible damage on my body.'

In a split second the futures shifted and my precognition issued a warning while Morden continued staring at me, a satisfied smirk playing across his lips.

'Anything?'


	7. Chapter 7

I held unto my drink to keep my hands from shaking and checked the futures for imminent dangers when all of a sudden Morden started to roar with laughter.

'Oh, dear God, don't look at me like that! What did you think I'd do to you? Come on, pass me that glass before you crush it.'

I did as I was told, avoiding his gaze as he took the drink out of my hand. Again, the futures shifted – what they all had in common was a strange feeling of peace. Morden rose, just to squat down right away in front of my chair, looking up to me.

'Why are you still crying, dear?'

When I didn't answer, he reached for my hands, holding them and stroking them with his thumbs. Just a few minutes ago, he had been threatening me – and now he called me _dear_, caressed me and tried to comfort me? I wasn't sure which part of his behaviour scared me the most. I swallowed hard, but managed to finally look at him, although I still couldn't think of an appropriate answer. There just wasn't one.

'Okay, let me ask you another question, then – why are you so afraid of getting hurt? You've faced death so many times and now you burst into tears for minor reasons?'

'I'm just a diviner – you know for sure that by mage standards I'm weak. The only reason I survived until now was that I could always rely on my physical abilities – I could always try to talk people round, fight them by making use of my knowledge of martial arts or simply run away. So if you decided to take these abilities away from me, I wouldn't survive the next few weeks. Maybe Richard knew this and refrained from doing those things to me because he still needed me, I don't know...But you...you don't really need me, so why would you care if I'd be able to survive on my own?'

Morden looked at me with a startled expression on his face.

'Who said I didn't need you? Or that I didn't care about your well-being?'

Since I still refused to answer, he sighed, released my hands and got up.

'Anyway, thank you for your honesty. I'll keep those things in mind. Maybe you should go to the bathroom and take care of your face now.'

I only nodded and hurried out of the room. _What the hell had just happened?_

*

Instead of going to the bathroom, I wandered around aimlessly, avoiding other people as good as I could, when I finally got hold of a future in which I crossed paths with Anne, which required me to stay in a corridor near the entrance hall for about six minutes. Therefore, I still had plenty of time to think about the right thing to say – nevertheless, all I could say when she finally arrived was...

'Um...hi.'

She pressed her lips together and seemed unwilling to respond until she took a closer look at my face.

'You've been crying.'

I knew I must have looked like a mess and I was ashamed that she saw me like this, but at least she had decided to talk to me again.

'Oh, that...yeah, that's a long story...Anne, listen, I...-'

'Alex, I'm sorry, but I'm already late, I really have to go now, but I'm off duty tomorrow, let's just meet in the Hollow, okay?'

'Um...alright, see you there...'

With a short wave of her hand she disappeared around the corner.

*

There were no words to describe how relieved I felt that she had agreed to meet me and so I was in good spirits when I returned to Morden's office. When I entered, he still sat in his armchair and gestured for me to join him.

'I'm sorry it took me so long,' I declared before he could ask, 'I needed to calm down a little bit, hope that's okay for you....'

He nodded graciously and offered me another drink, which I refused.

'You just witnessed what happens when I drink too much,' I apologised, 'I don't want to embarrass you with my stupid behaviour again.'

'That's nothing to be ashamed of,' he replied, handing me a glass nonetheless and settling back in his chair. 'If that's what helps you to process your feelings...'

'Well, that's not what Richard taught me back then...'

'Richard isn't always right.'

I looked at Morden, speechless with amazement. _Richard isn't always right_? Not the usual thing for him to say.

'Just a while back you said I should've been grateful having had a master like him...'

'Regarding the training you received you should indeed be grateful.'

'But...?'

For the first time since I've been working for him, Morden hesitated, as if he was still rethinking his answer. When he finally spoke, it was in an unusual thoughtful tone.

'You probably know that most Dark mages think about relationships and that sort of things as obstructive and a waste of time at the most. Well, I beg to differ.'

I looked up at him in surprise.

'Alliances are important, Alex – as well as people you can trust. It's kind of exhausting, having to watch your back all the time. You also need time to..._relax_, if you know what I mean.'

I grimaced, which made him laugh so hard he nearly spilled his drink.

'Oh dear, you've been alone for far too long, poor boy! Is that why you're so desperately trying to win Miss Walker's heart?'

'I don't-'

I flinched when I felt his hand on my knee.

'Been a bit touch starved, haven't you? You want me to change that?'

Checking the futures, I finally made a decision, hoping for the best as I bid my lower lip, eyeing him teasingly.

'If you don't mind, Councillor...'

'Come here,' he beckoned me, grasping my hand and pulling me over until I sat down on his lap. One of his arms was wrapped tightly around my waist as if to make sure I wouldn't fall while he ran his fingers through my hair.

'Such a beautiful boy,' he whispered.

'I'm not.'

'Who made you think you weren't?'

'Everyone who ever rejected me. Every single person who mocked me and told me I'd never find someone who'd be attracted to me.'

'Did Miss Walker say something like that?'  
  
'No, she just...stopped talking to me altogether.'  
  
'I told you already - you deserve better than her. Someone who knows your worth and cherishes your company.'  
  
'Someone...like you?'

He shrugged, but his smile broadened.  
  
'You said that Richard cared for your well-being and you assumed that I didn't take an interest in doing the same for you - may I ask you to give me a chance to prove you wrong?'  
  
'Since Richard's understanding of that was having me locked up and being _cared for_ by a sadistic bastard I'm not sure if I'd appreciate it if you chose him as a role model...'  
  
Morden laughed and caressed my cheek.  
  
'I already told you I'd never do something like that to you. Do you think I didn't notice how much those past experiences affect you, even after all these years? I considered offering you to move in with me so you wouldn't have to stay at that run-down hotel any longer, but I still remember the first time you happened to be my guest – you must have been using your powers 24/7, as if you were expecting an attack all the time. And though I never actually locked you up, you reacted as if I did.'

'Well, the windows had been warded, and then there was Onyx...'

'Touché. Bad example. But what I am trying to say is that there's no need to shy away from Dark mages in general the way you do. If you think that all of us tend to treat our subordinates the way Richard treated you, then you're mistaken. Rest assured, my dear Alex – not all of us take delight in hurting other people.'

Then why did you take my voice? I thought, but didn't dare to say it out loud.

'I'm offering you my protection, Alex – the choice is yours if you're willing to take it.'

'I...would appreciate being under your protection...,' I answered hesitantly, smiling weakly. 'Well, I think I already am, since you didn't have me executed up to now...'

'But?'

'What do you expect in return?'

Morden sighed, taking down his hand.

'Why are you so distrusting all the time?'

'I....'

My mind went blank; I almost had him where I wanted him to be, but now everything seemed to go awry. I had to convince him that my intentions were nothing but honest. I took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye. Pulling him close, I kissed him.


	8. Chapter 8

Morden didn't hesitate and kissed me back, his hands on my hips, holding me tight as if to make sure I wouldn't back down. I started to shiver as I felt his fingers gliding over my lower back, with nothing but the thin fabric of my shirt between his hands and my skin. When he interrupted the kiss I rested my head on his chest, closing my eyes for a moment, and concentrated on his heartbeat to calm myself down while he continued to hold me in a soft embrace, his warm hands stroking my back. Maybe I really _was _touch starved, since this felt surprisingly good. Could it be possible that I hadn't been the only one acting? Right now, Morden didn't seem threatening at all, he was nothing but gentle, as if he was still trying to comfort me. Had he been angry because all I could think of had been Anne? Had he been..._jealous_? I nearly started to laugh when that thought occurred to me. It was hilarious, but oddly enough, it made sense. And it almost made me feel guilty because I was just playing with him to get what I wanted - well, almost, because after all it had been his threats and the harm he had caused me that had made me pretend I had fallen for him. But strangely enough, I still enjoyed the way he touched me. 

With a faint sigh I pressed myself against him, burying my face in his shirt. Again he started to ruffle my hair, planting soft kisses onto the back of my head while he ran his other hand down my spine. Everything seemed to work out the way I had planned until his hand suddenly slipped between my thighs. I froze. With my divination I saw the flicker of a future of him bending me over his desk, tearing at my belt - I didn't dare to take a closer look. Not knowing what to do I pulled away from him, whimpering in horror.

'Please, don't...'

Immediately the futures shifted while Morden removed his hand, his other arm still slung around my shoulders. He glanced at me for a moment, then the other arm disappeared and he leant back in his chair, obviously waiting for me to move away. Cautiously I got up from his lap and positioned myself in front of him, staring at the ground.

'I'm sorry,' I muttered, 'It's just that I usually don't engage in those things...'

'May I remind you that you were the one who started this?'

He didn't sound angry, just slightly confused. When I didn't answer, he merely sighed.

'I won't force you,' he told me and I checked the futures to see if he was telling the truth. He was. Then everything blurred and I couldn't get a clear answer any more. He seemed indecisive. Did he really consider...no. Again, the futures blurred, but there were two words that repeatedly crossed his mind.

_For now._

I felt my face turn pale and tried to think of a way to appease him. Kneeling down in front of his chair, huddling up against his legs, I rested one cheek on his knee.

'I really didn't want to offend you...'

Almost mechanically, he started to run his fingers through my hair again, looking down at me.

'So you...prefer cuddling and kissing over any form of intercourse?' he asked after a long pause.

Instead of answering, I just nodded.

'I see...'

We sat in silence for a while, lost in thought, until he patted my shoulder and gestured for me to get up.

'Alright, we should drop that subject for today and get back to work.'

Just as I was about to rise, I felt his hand upon my shoulder; I turned around to look at him.

'One more thing – I want you to make a promise. If you've been honest with me, you will be able to keep it easily.'

'What is it?'

'You will not see Miss Walker again.'

*

'Alex, what happened? You alright?'

It didn't take Vari more than five minutes to gate to my hotel room after I sent him a rather desperate text, asking for help. He was accompanied by Luna, who seemed rather upset but had decided to let Vari do the talking for now.

'I'm not allowed to see Anne any more.'

'Wait – what?'

'Morden forbade me to see her, he thinks she's too much of a distraction...'

'Who cares what Morden thinks? Go and see her anyway!' Vari interrupted, sounding angry.

At this point, Luna joined in the conversation, sounding cautious.

'Maybe you should really abandon your plans for now...After all he's said and done to you already...We could tell Anne why you can't see her at the moment, I'm sure she'll understand...'

Vari turned around and stared at her in disgust.

'Are you serious? Why should he give in to those threats? That guy's starting to control his whole life - watch out, Alex, in a few weeks you'll have to ask permission to go to the loo!'

'Come on, Vari, stop creeping him out, he's already on edge without your stupid comments!'

The two of them continued to goad each other, until I banged my fist on the table.

'Will you please stop this?'

They looked at me as if they only just now realised I was still in the room.

'I thought you two would be able to help me...I really need to talk to Anne, if I don't I...might lose her forever.'

Vari, who seemed to have calmed down a little, beheld me thoughtfully.

'There's something else, isn't there?'

'Yes,' I muttered, 'I might have done something really, really stupid...'

*

It was the first time since I knew him that I saw Variam lost for words, while Luna only shook her head, trying not to look at me.

'You shouldn't have done that,' she whispered.

'In fact, it was your idea, wasn't it? Now don't you blame me because it went completely wrong, okay?'

'You're supposed to be the smart one, _Master_!'

'And you're not an apprentice any more, so stop this, _Mage Vesta_!'

'SHUT UP _, _ both of you!'

A faint glimmer of fire magic flickered around Variam's fingertips and was gone again in a split second; he must have been incredibly upset.

'Luna is right, Alex – of all halfwitted things you've done before this might easily be the stupidest thing since...well,  _ever_ ! We need to find a way to handle this – and we need Anne to help you. You need to talk to her and you need to fill her in on everything that happened. Do you know a place where the two of you can meet without being overheard?'

'She told me to meet her in the Hollow...'

Vari shook his head.

'Nah, much too obvious. Morden will send his snitches to observe the access point. You have to meet somewhere else and you shouldn't meet directly after work. Alex, you're with us tomorrow, right?'

I just nodded and waited for him to continue.

'You will do some shopping after you've left Keeper HQ, you just noticed that you've run out of groceries and shaving foam and you have to run around for while since you couldn't find some of the things you need at Tesco.'

'I'm a diviner, I would know if...'

'Shut up. Luna, you're going to pick up Anne in the Hollow because the two of you want to go to the cinema.'

'Which film?'

'The Goldfinch.'

'Fine with that. Alex?'

'Yeah, alright. Keep your fingers crossed, will you?'

'Good luck, mate.'

*

WEDNESDAY

The next morning happened to be uneventful. Morden acted as if yesterday just didn't happen and I did my best not to refresh his memory. He was polite as usual and we discussed Council issues the way we used to before...well, before that kiss had happened. Still, I couldn't figure out if he was mad at me because I had rejected him. Now and then I scanned the futures and path-walked to find out what he'd say if I asked him straight away, but the result was always the same – he smiled and assured me that everything was alright. I stayed cautious, but as time went by, I started to relax. Maybe there really was no reason to be worried.

Around noon I left for Keeper HQ where I participated in another raid that turned out utterly unsuccessful. All the while the other Keepers ignored me, one or two talking behind my back when they thought I wouldn't hear them; in short, it was business as usual.

In the late afternoon I left the office and headed for my hotel. When there were only a few minutes left to walk, I came to an abrupt halt, cursed under my breath and walked away in the opposite direction, heading for Tesco. I bought some vegetables, chocolate and a sandwich, then I headed for the pharmacy located on Camden High Street, which wasn't exactly nearby, but I was sure they'd have some migraine relief in stock. On my way back, I stopped at a Starbucks and got myself some coffee – caffeine is pretty useful when your head is starting to hurt, right? Taking the sandwich out of my bag, I headed for a small park just around the corner to enjoy what would be my dinner, soaking up the last sunbeams before it would be getting dark. I had just finished eating when a tall, dark-haired woman with sunglasses covering her eyes sat down beside me.

'Luna told me,' Anne whispered without looking at me.

'Have you been followed?'

'Don't think so. You?'

'No.'

I hesitated for a moment before I dared to look at her.

'Thank you for coming.'

'I still don't know what to say...this is...just too much for me right now...'

'I know, and I'm really sorry I caused you so much trouble. If there's a way I could make up for this, please tell me.'

She shook her head, looking down.

'How long?'

'Excuse me?'

'How long have you been feeling like this? How long have you been hiding those feelings, pretending we were just friends?'

'Anne, I didn't pretend to be your friend. I _am _your friend. And I really don't know when the whole thing started, I've always felt a certain... closeness between the two of us. First I thought it was only because we both survived the cruelties of our former masters, but the more I got to know you, I realised that there was something else. I couldn't name it at first, but a few weeks ago, I thought about how nice it would be to...'

'To – _what_?'

'To become your....significant other.'

I blushed immediately; to say it out loud felt wrong although it was nothing but the truth. Looking back at Anne, I saw her nodding hesitantly.

'I know, I should have tried to find out if you felt the same way too...'

'Especially since you're a diviner and this wouldn't have been too difficult for you...'

'I'm sorry. I really am. And if you say you can't be my friend any longer because of this, I'll accept your decision. I just wanted you to know the truth.'

Anne remained silent for a long time, but finally she put her hand upon my arm.

'I'd really appreciate it if we could remain friends. But...you need to understand that friendship is the only thing I can offer...'

'I'm fine with that. A friend is what I need the most right now...'

'I've heard those rumours...Alex, what happened? What have you gotten yourself into?'

'I don't know, everything seems to have gotten out of hand and now I don't know what to do any more...'

'Would you mind telling me?'

And so I did. When I finished, Anne stared at me, thunderstruck.

'That's terrible!' she proclaimed, horrified. 'And I can't fight the feeling that this might be my fault...'

'What? No!'

'Alex, since when is he acting like this?'

'I don't know, maybe...

'...since the beginning of last week?'

'Yeah, I think so, why...?'

'Because this was when you started to get distracted. Because of me. He noticed that your behaviour had changed, he asked you why, he found out – and then he started to harass you.'

'It's not your fault, Anne.'

'Maybe not. But I want to help you. Right now I don't really don't know how, but I promise we'll find a way.'

Just hearing this took a load of my mind. With a sigh of relief I turned towards her, pulling her in a tight embrace. Maybe things would get better now.


	9. Chapter 9

THURSDAY

After a good night's rest I entered the office cheerfully. Morden would be at the Star Chamber till at least 3pm and I felt quite ready for the other aides, not caring about their stupid comments any longer. I had been working for a while, waiting for him to get up and set off for the meeting when I noticed that he was watching something on his laptop.

'You know what I like about London?' he asked without averting his eyes from the screen, 'CCTV.'

I tried to figure out what he was looking at and suddenly froze – the video recording showed a couple sitting on a bench in a quiet little park in Camden Town, talking and embracing when they said goodbye. I panicked as soon as I realised that he knew about my meeting with Anne, but Morden just smiled.

'What a lovely couple! The way he looks at her...young love, isn't it nice? Tststs, lucky girl, he's so fond of her, he doesn't even notice the camera on the other side of the street...witnessing every precious moment of their secret encounter, every little detail of his betrayal...'

I was so full of fear I could hardly breathe; Morden however remained completely calm.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered, preparing myself for things to come.

'What exactly is it you are sorry for?'

He didn't even sound upset but rather curious.

'I'm sorry I met with Anne although you forbade me to do so.'

'What do you think is the reason I told you not to see her?'

'Because she's too much of a distraction.'

'So, Verus – did Miss Walker distract you?'

I hesitated.

'Well?'

His voice was still calm, but there was something in its tone that seemed wrong; he expected me to answer – now.

'I won't be distracted any longer. We...sorted things out.'

'Which means that...?'

'We're still friends. But...nothing more.'

He nodded thoughtfully and got up.

'Fine, then. Still I'd prefer you to keep her at distance for some time, given your...current state of mind.'

'Okay.'

He got up and headed for the door.

'Enough talk, Verus – we don't want to be late, right?'

*

I spent the whole morning thinking about my conversation with Morden. It had gone well – too well, in fact. He hadn't even been angry although he had seemed to be quite serious when he ordered me to stay away from Anne two days ago. Could he possibly have changed his mind? I didn't get it, but felt relieved that I got off lightly. The Council Session was closed in the early afternoon hours and Morden conducted me to his office once again, patting my shoulder in a friendly manner as if trying to assure me that everything was alright. I went over to my desk, ready to finish some tasks that I hadn't managed to deal with earlier. Just a few minutes later the clatter of his soles on the parquet floor made me pause and look up to him, still holding a pen in my hand.

'Councillor?'

Without saying a word, he took the pen away from me and laid it down carefully, then he reached for my hand, stroking it softly.

'Beautiful,' he whispered, drawing soft circles on my skin. 'You do have your nails manicured?'

'They tend to split,' I replied, blushing again. I still couldn't handle this sort of comments.

'Do you mind?'

He reached for my other hand too, holding them closely. When I shook my head, he placed a soft kiss onto the back of my left hand, then he repeated the procedure with the right one. I started to shiver, but again I had to admit that it felt strangely pleasant. I felt my heartbeat accelerate; closing my eyes, I sighed quietly. If this would have been someone else, I would have enjoyed the intimacy of his touch, but I couldn't stop thinking about whose lips were kissing my hands right now. I opened my eyes to look at him, noticing his dilated pupils and his reddened cheeks. I considered pulling away, but my precognition showed me that it was perfectly save to hang on a little longer. Would he be satisfied with just kissing me this time or would he try to proceed further? I couldn't shake off the thought of him not forcing me to do anything I didn't want _for now_, but since I couldn't see him doing so, I tried to relax; he'd definitely stop if I asked him to. Although it felt wrong, I bent my head and allowed him to kiss my neck, his hand ruffling my hair, something he really seemed to like. Again I heaved a sigh, making myself believe that it was Anne instead of Morden who did these things to me. I had to admit that it didn't feel as bad as it should have, concerning the fact that this man still had the power to have me executed. Pulling me closer, he made me turn my head around so our lips met and kissed me longingly, while one of his legs was slightly shoved between my knees, though this time it happened without further intention. My breathing quickened and suddenly I felt his tongue slide between my parted lips. For a split second I hesitated, but it had been enough for him to notice. He broke away from me, but he still clasped my hands tightly.

'Do you want me to stop?'

'No, I...'

I didn't know what to say and just looked at him nervously.

'Not used to someone else taking over the dominant part, are you?'

When I didn't answer, his grip tightened even more, so much it almost hurt.

'It's always been you, doing this to your former partners, wasn't it? Did you kiss Miss Walker the way I kissed you? Did you hold her close, feeling the warmth of her skin, breathing in the scent of her silken hair? And did you caress her with your soft, manicured hands?'

My precognition sent a warning, but it was too late.

Only seconds later he overextended my fingers and an excruciating pain rushed through my body; my hands felt as if they were on fire. Looking down at them in shock I realised that none of my fingers seemed to be placed in the right angle any more. It made my stomach churn and I started to scream. Morden hadn't loosened his grip and eyed me as if he couldn't care less. Instead, he slammed my broken fingers onto the edge of the desk, holding them in place until I sobbed uncontrollably, sliding down from my chair in a desperate attempt to escape. Still he didn't let go, but kept on watching me as I knelt in front of him, crying and begging him to stop.

He dragged me up by my wrists, sending another wave of agony through my body, addressing me with a voice as cold as ice.

'You see, I'm a man who believes in second chances and that's why I will give you one last opportunity to prove your loyalty. I'm going to call a healer. More specifically, I'll be asking for Miss Walker to come over and set your bones. Whilst she'll be taking care of you, you will not speak to her. You will not even look at her. If you attempt to do so, I will put an end to your poor life. Is that understood?'

I couldn't answer. My mind was blurred by the atrocious pain in my already swollen hands and I only wished for my body to pass out already. Instead, the pain grew even worse when Morden twisted my right thumb.

'Is that understood, Verus?'

'Yes...'

He repeated his movements, this time twisting my left thumb.

'Yes – _what_?'

'Yes, Councillor Morden!' I cried, slumping down on the floor when he finally let go and made his way back to his desk as if nothing happened.

I made an attempt to get away from him, crawling towards the door on my forearms. As soon as he noticed it he followed me, kicking me in the back until I screamed my lungs out, not able to move any further. Morden crouched beneath me, grabbed my hair and pulled my head up in order to make me look at him.

'You mendacious, despicable traitor,' he hissed, slamming my head against the floor. 'Did you really think I'd be stupid enough to believe a single word you've said? Did you think someone like you might me able to fool me? By the end of the day you will have learned your lesson – one way or another.'

My mind was in a haze; I heard him making a phone call, but I couldn't figure out a single word he said. Just moments later I finally passed out.

When I woke up, I felt the familiar tingle of life magic. Opening my eyes a tiny bit, I found out that I had been placed in one of the armchairs, Anne kneeling in front of me, weaving her spells. She looked frightened and I instantly knew that it was because of Morden. Noticing that I was awake again, she tried to talk to me in a silent whisper.

'Don't worry Alex, it will come out all right. I will help you, don't worry.'

I wanted to reply so badly, but I was too afraid, Morden's threats still echoing in my ears.  _You will not speak to her. You will not even look at her. _ And if I did, he'd kill me. This time I was sure he wasn't joking. Her soft voice made me cry, but I kept looking away from her, holding my tongue; I couldn't put her in danger too, but apparently she didn't understand what was wrong with me. 

'Alex, please...stop crying, we'll find a way, okay?'

I felt her hand on my cheek, wiping away my tears just as Morden had done a few days ago. I closed my eyes, giving in to her touch for what might be the last time, allowing her to run her fingers through my hair. I couldn't bear up any longer and turned to look at her, her eyes meeting mine. I knew what would happen next but I was tired of fighting the inevitable; if these would be the last moments of my life, so be it. Slowly I reached out for her, holding her hand, our fingers intertwined.

'Listen to me, Anne...' I whispered, 'You were the best that could have happened to me and it was a privilege to know you. Promise me to look after yourself, will you?'

I saw her opening her mouth in order to reply, but I knew it was too late. I didn't turn to look at Morden; I wanted Anne's face to be the last thing I'd see. Sensing the faint flicker of death magic from the other side of the room, I lost myself in her strange red-brown eyes until everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that's it...Thanks to all of you for commenting, leaving kudos and hopefully enjoying this story (if this isn't too much to ask for, especially, well...after the last chapter...)!
> 
> Special thanks to Weltatlas, who initially brought me into contact with this odd couple - the next time it will turn out way better for them, I promise :') <3


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